She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think my vagina is haunted
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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