Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
