Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
