i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm always down for nudity.
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