at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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