In the future we'll all be gay
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
