Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
