Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
