Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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