I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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