it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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