Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My penis needs a shock collar
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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