Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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