she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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