yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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