I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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