I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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