i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
