After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Enjoy the penises
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
