we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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