He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
