I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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