Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
