I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
