Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
