apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were destined to go to rehab together
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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