Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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