my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
