We're like a lot better than the average bears
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
