I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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