I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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