I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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