I just pynch a tree in the face
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
