barbara walters just said penis...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
