Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
