Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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