just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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