So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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