Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Little spoons don't ask big questions
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
