trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
