can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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