Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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