Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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