Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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