I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
