So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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