I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
