Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
