You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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