so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i think my cat just said my name.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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