Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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