I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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