I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
