fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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