Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
