Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
