he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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