Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
