It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.