jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She has the best kind of daddy issues