i was born a porn star she said
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?