Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.

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  (614): You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat. http://tfl.nu/8yi0
  Replies (36) Good night (1040) Bad night (3185)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I miss Bob Barker.

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Yeah, more like Douche Carey...

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  (816): I miss Bob Barker. (808): Yeah, more like Douche Carey... http://tfl.nu/37q6
  Replies (12) Good night (1776) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (6177) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7732) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.

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  (412): She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out... (412): She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7. http://tfl.nu/j9aq
  Replies (11) Good night (4343) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

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  (760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy
  Replies (6) Good night (2216) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (4242) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.

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  (802): Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too. http://tfl.nu/k5c7
  Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day

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  (904): Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day http://tfl.nu/vw4k
  Replies (6) Good night (1427) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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  (814): you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you http://tfl.nu/0g1k
  Replies (5) Good night (761) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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  (734): There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option http://tfl.nu/svkl
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".

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  (501): While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors". http://tfl.nu/n1au
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed

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  (515): Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed http://tfl.nu/4vqk
  Replies (2) Good night (271) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...

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  (847): I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat... http://tfl.nu/j5yd
  Replies (2) Good night (1085) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.

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  (619): This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before. http://tfl.nu/nkfw
  Replies (0) Good night (369) Bad night (201)

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