Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
