dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
