if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
