i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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