and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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