He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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