You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is Oprah even human
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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