That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
