Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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