WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
