i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
