My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
