I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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