But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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