They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
