You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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