At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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