i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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