Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So vagazzling was a success
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
