sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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