DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
