i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
