I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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